For the first time in almost 12 years, I am below 200 pounds. I thought I would be shouting it from the rooftops, but instead I've fallen into a long morning of introspection. There's been a lot of complex emotions that have happened for me as I've lost weight. I've felt sad because of lost time and happy because of time gained. I've looked in the mirror and not been sure if it was me or who I would be at the end. Some days it just hits me; there's no weight restrictions now, no rides I can't go on. I can jump off of things without worrying about my knees. I can run.
I blend into crowds instead of being pointed out. Yes, it's happened. I've had a couple guys behind me loudly say 'Hey man, you like big asses, right?' 'Not THAT big, haha.'
And yet, I feel exactly the same. All my life, since I was just becoming a teenager I've felt that if I could just lose weight I would be happy. It was this magical catch-all that could explain the mental processes I would experience that made me unhappy. The same mental processes that made me eat to excess.
It's like giving up a drug habit, really. Food is life and fuel, but when I made the decision to use it as a crutch, everything fell out of balance. Now I'm working to find that balance, and that's been even more exciting than the weight loss.
I'm learning who I really am, and I think I'm pretty cool.
Not like 'Will Smith cool', but there can only be one Fresh Prince.
3 comments:
You are the COOLEST of the cool! I am very proud of your strength and determination. Congratulations on the milestone and may you find the happiness that is within all of us.
:D Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you! *BIG HUGS* And hey, I think you're pretty darned cool too! :) xo
I knew you could do it! Strength (or stubbornness);) runs in our family. We just have to focus it in the right direction :) Congratulations. Hopefully your Dad and I will be right behind you. Love you. Mum
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